It's all about pain, baybee...!

So yesterday's visit to the hospital wasn't was gloomy as we'd expected. Sure the blood indicators aren't going in the direction we'd hoped, but that could be because the new drug is taking time to take effect. So another two months just to see what's occurring.

All this pain I'm getting is from the cancer that is in the bone, and I need to manage it. So I am now on a regime of 8 paracetamol a day and 3 uber-sized ibuprofen. Today is the first day of the new regime, and I have to admit there is an improvement. I'd say a good reduction in pain, with some of it becoming just discomfort, which I'll take for now thank you.

This may go down further as the drug can cause the cancer in the bone to "flare" a little before settling down. Fingers crossed eh?

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Stairwell. Benzie Building, MMU.

Today, Pheebs, Gel and I visited MMU School of Art for their Open Day. Very impressive.

I think we've all come back enthused about the University in general, and the Foundation course in particular. All three of fancy going on it.....but I suspect that might cramp Pheeb's style a bit.

The tutor-student interaction seemed great.

We then went to the MMU Art Exhibition which was stunning. It finishes today, so a bit pointless me recommending you visit, but perhaps you could bookmark it for next year. There really was some stunning work on display.

How do you feel today?

As it happens I feel almost human today. Yesterday was a bit of a struggle.

There are so many things that go into answering that question. What level of pain do I have, because the reality is over the last few weeks, there hasn't really been a day where I haven't been experiencing some degree of pain. From discomfort, up to bloody horrible. I wont use the the word unbearable because I'm pretty sure there is some sort of pain which is quite a way higher that what I've had. I suppose in some ways I'm grateful for that.

Did I sleep well, or am I, at the start of the day already tired.

Am I constipated because to get some decent sleep I popped a couple of Cocodamol, and one of the side effects is.....bunging you up. Have I got a swirly head (also a side effect of the Cocodamol)?

Do you feel hungry? Well, yes but I don't really want to eat. There is some combination of the drugs I'm using that makes me have this swirly tummy thing which on the one hand tells me I should eat, but on the other makes me feel I don't really want to.

I recent nights I do feel I've made some progress in reducing the hot flushes at night by sleeping under an empty duvet cover instead of a duvet (too hot) or under nothing (too cold), so that's good.

I seem to have come up with a strategy around pain control using paracetamol where possible, but taking them all day. Pre-empting the pain rather than waiting until it is upon me.

Bugger

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Yesterday Gel and I went to Macc to the opening day of the Barnaby Festival, which I have to admit I'd never heard of before. There was bunting, there were shop window displays, there was street art. We also went to see "Owen Jones in conversation with Nick Robinson". Nick Robinson is a Macc lad, and Owen spent much of his formative years in Stockport. It was a really interesting 90 minutes. Robinson talked about being chairman of Macc Young Conservatives, Jones talked about being a socialist activist still meant to he was to the political right of his parents.

It was fun and engaging. It was also a little frightening.

The campaigning around the EU referendum has been vicious, it has use scare tactics - particularly about immigrants - and and twisted and abused the facts. The atmosphere seems to have inspired the terrible killing of MP Jo Cox, and isn't simply going to disappear once the polls close on Thursday.

Luckily we have tickets to an all together less sobering event on Thursday to see the Barnsley Bard, Ian McMillan who seems to have an all round good rep.

Times

So, I am now a retired ex-employee of the Lloyds Banking Group. I have been retired on grounds of ill-health. This is something I am very grateful to them for. The thought of not having to worry about work is a real benefit. I have definitely slowed down, both physically and mentally.

I'm hoping that as my body gets used to the drugs I'm on those will lift a little. Certainly I seem to be seeing the back pain problems reducing, with the hope that they'll go completely.

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As Kurt Wallander said in the last episode on Sunday, parenting is a long process of letting go.

Two things happened this week that made Gel and I reminisce.

First it was Caitlin's 26th birthday. Where did that all go? I first clapped eyes on her as a visitor to Withington Hosptital when she was only a day or two old. There she was, the little bundle in Gel's arms, and just look at her now.

The second event was that Pheebs embarked on her first driving lesson. Again, where did that go? I remember that when I first held her in my arms she cried. I cried. I was scared I'd done something wrong, but we quickly got used to each other.

Shame on me/ Shame on her

Let's start with her. Her is Poussey, and as Pheebs and I were breakfasting yesterday morning, I saw Poussey scuttling across the decking with a small brown ball in her mouth. Pheebs immediately identified it as a sparrow, so we both tried to chase Poussey to retrieve it, but she was having none of it and shot back under the decking to do unpleasant things to poor little thing.

Stone-faced killer

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Why shame on me? Because it's taken rather longer than it should to work out why I've not been sleeping well the last few nights.

I've found that I've been waking about once an hour, maybe an hour and a half, with a right hot flush, and lungs full of menthol.

A few days ago I thought I'd try Deep Heat to try and calm my back, and have had Gel and Pheebs rub it in just before bed. What does deep heat do? It heats you up. What triggers my flushes? Being hot. Duh.

It also has upset my stomach breathing in clouds of menthol vapour. I've felt quite queasy for most of the time I've been rubbed down.

I feel so stupid for not realising earlier what it was that was upsetting my sleep. Duh.

My ribs and back are still sore and stiff, but I sense that there is an improvement. I'm now treading a fine line between not doing anything, and doing something that will set the pain off again. I'm trying to be less tentative in my posture. Less stiff, more natural. I think some of the time I've been "holding" myself in a position for fear of setting it off again.

Hopefully this isn't a false dawn, and the pain really is on the wane.

Deep heat makes you hot
Dick. That's why you're not sleeping
I hope this sorts it.

Sad/ Happy

Not sure what started it, but on occasion I have a go at a haiku. I'm not sure they are particularly good, but it's a fun bit of creativity. First one marked the passing of Joe Strummer.

Joe Strummer is dead
Should I stay or should I go?
Not his decision

In the wake the death of Muhammed Ali

He stung like a bee
He moved like a butterfly
Now he rests in peace

#haiku #ali

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Try not laughing at this.

Table

So, how's the back/ribs situation? Improved if not exactly cured. Very slowly, with a few setbacks there has been an improvement as I've tweaked the pain management. The current regime is four pairs of paracetamol spread across the day, with the addition of some deep heat on my back just before bed. So I've almost dropped the cocodamol and horse-ibuprofen and I am feeling pretty good. Hopefully this will be the start of a period of relatively pain free days and weeks. I'm moving much better and that helps keeping the muscles free and loose, and makes me feel more natural and relaxed. Stitting for too long brings on aches and pains, so I need to try and remember to get up and stretch every so often.

Fingers crossed.

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We bought a new kitchen table this week. We were having a little shift about and have four raffia chairs which we are fond of, but we couldn't get two of them under the table at the same time, and there it was a bit tight on either side of the table so we needed one with slightly more leg room underneath, and slightly narrower on top.

How cute is that?